This mothering game

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So much to do, so little time.

I’m knee deep at the moment. I’ve got so much on my ‘to do list’ and instead of ticking things off I feel like it’s just getting longer and longer. I hate feeling out of control. From an outsiders point of view they may wonder what is it that I’m actually doing? I’ve not got a job and so surely I’m just putting my feet up and watching This Morning?

Well if you must know, I’m training to be a social media manager with the brilliant Digital Mums. This takes up most of my time. There’s so much to learn! I’m also getting my blog back on track too. I’ve updated a few features recently to make it look alot better and more ‘professional’. Oh and being a mum of course to three cheeky girls – it’s SO full on!!

But I think us mamas do pile so much pressure on ourselves to get it right and it can be really suffocating at times. When was the last time you tapped yourself on the back and said ‘you’re doing a fab job’? We just don’t do it often enough. We worry about everything and always feel that what we’re doing is not good enough, the mum guilt creeps in (oh the dreaded mum guilt!!) and we end up feeling out of control.

But once in a while something happens and it stops you in your tracks. I was out with the twins the other day after picking them up from pre-school, and we’d walked to the shop and stopped for a bit of lunch. Out of no-where a wonderful thing happened.

‘I love your hair…’ said a voice.

‘Oh…thanks’ I say hesitantly.

‘No, I REALLY like your hair – it’s a great colour’

This little compliment was so unexpected  – it took me by surprise. It happens in America all the time doesn’t it. But not in Britain. Not in Manchester.

‘Thanks very much’ I say, this time much more assured.

‘Who was THAT?’ Martha said immediately after the lady had walked away.

‘Well’, I say, ‘that was a stranger paying me a compliment Martha’.

 ‘Oh’ she said, with a small forced smile.

You’re probably thinking, oh here she goes again talking about her hair! It actually amuses me that my  barnet gets so many comments actually. It’s really not that unusual or different to how I’ve always had it. Just a bit bluer! (I use a mousse to hide the actual real grey hairs I have and to make it look…well blue/grey. I know I’m confused too).

Anyway back to this lovely compliment. You’re probably imagining this was given to me whilst my hair was looking it’s best, all blow-dried and floaty. Oh no. Let me paint the real picture. My hair was greasy, scraped back in a half-up, half-down random combo and I was actually midway through reprimanding Martha who was sprawled across ALL of the benches in our local bakery (for bakery read ‘Greggs’) whilst munching on a sausage roll. All the glamour!

And she was ignoring me. Standard.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see someone approaching us, but I just ignored them at first, too busy engrossed in my unenviable parenting situation.  I also wrongly assumed it was someone who should be minding their own business. Instead this incongruous comment came – out the ‘blue’ – quite literally!

We’re doing a fab job!

It’s such a lovely thing to do to pass on a compliment or give someone a positive lift to their day. Especially when they may not be feeling on top of their game and when they least expect it. My neighbour and Instapal @suburbanmama had a lovely note passed to her when she was out with her girls the other week – making her feel fab and reassuring her that she’s a top mama! It’s also why I love these cups which say ‘Mother like no one’s judging’ on them which are by my good friend Gemma, a super mumboss and fab mumtrepruner @Mutha-hood. She’s hit the nail on the head  – bringing up little ones is tough and us mamas are doing a great job and we need to remember that. (Check out her Instafeed too – especially her Insta-stories – just brilliant!)

It’s so hard though isn’t it? It’s not really becoming that much easier being a mummy to three girls – often it’s the same shizzle but a different day. Admittedly the girls aren’t as dependent on me anymore for things like eating and going to the toilet but I still find myself spoon-feeding and bum wiping more often than I probably should! But hey – whatever works to get these tiny humans fed, watered, cleaned and through the day! The challenge at the moment is the arguing and the constant desire (mainly by Martha) to be first. The twins still run off when you’re walking anywhere and are in a constant race with each other. Inevitably it leads to me shouting like a crazy lady ‘STOP RUNNING, SLOW DOWN’. I am that woman.

Also the volume in the house has got SO much louder, girlie shrieks and petty arguments fill the afternoons. When the girls started pre-school in September I couldn’t believe how quiet the house was on a morning. It was like bliss. Their constant arguing really gets to me though and it’s actually caused me to become so tense and stressed that my shoulders feel like they’re a solid block of lard! Massage please!!

Pre-school has allowed me to get some me-time back though. Childfree time. You know the kind – it’s so special it’s like gold-dust. You just don’t know what to do with yourself at first. You don’t want to waste a single moment of the precious stuff.  I find myself switching from going on a cleaning and tidying frenzy around the house with the Dyson cordless (essential item for any mum FYI), to going into studying overdrive with my Digital Mums course and not coming up for air.

Self-love

But what I should be doing is having some more self-love. The girls are happy, healthy and content. The house is tidy most of the time…and I’m doing o.k with my course. Us mamas need to give ourselves some more credit – we’re all doing the best we can and we’re doing a great job!

And, if you forget to tell yourself this, at least make sure you tell someone else – it might just make their day!

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